I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
