Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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