i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
