I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
