Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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