I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
