Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
