getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize