mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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