I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
