Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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