You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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