so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
