Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
