no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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