It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
