she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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