he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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