Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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