Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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