You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
