You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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