Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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