...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
