I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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