I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
