I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
