I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
