I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
