Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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