you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize