Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
