I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
