whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
