You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
