If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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