I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
