I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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