Screwed.edu
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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