my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
