she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
