We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no. you can't hotbox the world.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
