You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
