Define "chronic" masturbator.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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