I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
