its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
