after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This house was built for laser tag.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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