You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Damn victory sex feels great
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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