she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
