where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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