We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
