You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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