lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
