Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
