Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
