the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
