I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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