I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
