You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
