well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
