I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
