You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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