Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
