Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
