I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
