somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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