I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
