So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
