ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
