If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize