I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
