I need to stop coming to work sober
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
