if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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