My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
