we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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