Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
