I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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