He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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