I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
