im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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