I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
