Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
