My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
