Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
