I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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