You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
