am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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