Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
