If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
