just tell him i said nine months
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
