Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
