I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize