New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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