dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
