is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
