Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
