wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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