just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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